Six of One, Half a Dozen of the Other
by TheMalhamBird
Summary: The Meal in Hong Kong, Deadlock, from Diabolus's point of view Reposted from my SylphrenaKholin account, which I can no longer access
1. Chapter 1

" **Although," Darkdoom muttered, "At least now I do actually know what happens when an immovable object meets an irresistible force." –Deadlock, pg 2**

 _ **Hong Kong: 12 PM**_

"Maximillian."

"Father."

Nathaniel rose to greet his son, and both men stood stiffly on opposite sides of the table in silence for several long moments. Diabolus watched the impromptu staring contest with a mounting incredulity, before raising his eyes to the heavens and scraping his own seat back loudly, throwing himself in to it with exaggerated force and moving his seat closer to the table with equal fuss. Max glanced at him with an expression akin to a man who had just noticed a fly in his soup (how his friend deplored bad manners!), but Nathaniel smiled, eyes twinkling as if to say he understood the point.

"Darkdoom!" he said, lowering himself back in to his seat. "It's good to see you again. How's the Funhouse working out for you?"

"My own guard patrols keep getting lost in the hall of mirrors." Diabolus grinned. "Intruders don't stand a chance."

"A ludicrously inefficient concept for a baseof _operations_." Max commented waspishly as he too took his seat. "I assume the actual idea behind it was to find a way to successfully hide from Marisa?"

"Someone's in a foul mood," Nathaniel remarked. "Presumably the cause of this surliness is stems from the fact you're in the middle of trying to relocate hundreds of juvenile delinquents-"

"They aren't _delinquent_ -" Max snapped

" _Maximillian."_ Diabolus interrupted, switching from English to Gothic, one of several extinct languages that his friend had taught himself and then forced Diabolus to learn for the express purpose of being able to hold private conversations, _"It's not your father's fault you have to relocate HIVE-"_

" _That's debatable-"_

" _Don't even think about going there."_ Diabolus warned, foreseeing where such a line of argument was going to end up. _"All you have to do is play nicely for an hour or two whilst you ask for his advice-which Number One himself has demanded you do, I might add-and then you can skip off back to your temporary training facility and busy yourself with the demons you seem to keep mistaking for school children."_

At that point a waitress appeared with a trolley covered with food, forestalling any retort from Max. "Your food, sirs," she said. "Roast Goose, Pheonix Talons, Egg-plant with minced pork-"

Nathaniel was smirking slightly and Max's jaw was growing tighter as the large selection of dishes was produced. Nathaniel had to have been aware , having raised him, that Max intensely disliked meat of most kind- if it wasn't a fish, or sea-food of some description, he wouldn't eat it. Telling Nathaniel he could go ahead and order without them there was looking to be like a massive mistake. If Nathaniel was going to deliberately- " and Szechuan Shrimp." The waitress finished, placing the dish in front of Diabolus. It looked and smelt delicious, and he knew from the calm, but pointed look Max was throwing him that if he touched it he would be going down as the first Supervillain in history to be murdered over something so simple as his choice of cuisine. "Can I get you anything to drink?" The waitress asked.

"Just water for me, please." Nathaniel said. "Diabolus, Max-"

"Water please." Diabolus said.

"A Snow Beer, if you don't mind." Max said.

"Of course. Do unto others."

"Do unto others." Nathaniel smiled, and Diabolus grinned. He loved the fact GLOVE maintained restraints purely so its members could discuss their business without needing to worry about being over-heard, it made such a nice change from bribing managers to keep other customers well away from one's table. He wordlessly handed the shrimps over to Max, who exchanged them for Sweet and Sour Pork.

"You're still particular about your meals then," Nathaniel commented. "I had wondered if Theodore had managed to train you out of it. He promised me he'd try."

"Nathaniel-" Diabolus warned.

"He tried." Max ignored Darkdoom's attempt to break the conversation off. "He found his departmental budget greatly reduced and his access to the kitchens revoked. For the record, eel and chicken taste nothing like each other. And I _would_ appreciate it if you didn't talk about me to my staff as if I were a troublesome seven year old."

 _Fantastic._ Diabolus thought. _Seven and a half minutes down, One hour, Fifty six and a half left to go._


	2. Chapter 2

"So," Nathaniel said, leaning forward and looking intently at Max. "Have you found yourself a new girlfriend?"

If looks could kill...

"Boyfriend?" Nathaniel suggested.

"I'm looking if you've got any suggestions!" Diabolus interrupted quickly before Max could lean across the table and throttle his father. However good patricide might look on a GLOVE resume, the fact still stood that HIVE needed rebuilding. "I don't think Marisa and I are going to work out. She's the most terrifying person on the planet ,and yes, I'm including Number One in that."

Nathaniel gave a sly smile. "Are you now?" he paused. "Boyfriend or girlfriend?"

"Oh I don't care." Diabolus said with a wicked grin. " _Both_ if you think you can set that up-"

"Diabolus, what you do with your love life is completely up to you, but kindly discuss it when I'm not within ear shot. When Marisa destroys you for leaving her, I'd really rather not be implicated in your adultery."

"Implicated?" Nathaniel leant back with a grin. "Max, you're the last person in the world I would set Diabolus up with; _he_ has a sense of humour. You don't."

"They _say_ opposites attracts-" Diabolus chimed in with a grin that slid off his face the moment Max threw his napkin down on the table and got up, walking over to the bar. "Max-"

"Can I have the bill, please."

"Max." Diabolus strode over and grabbed his friend's arm. "Max-"

"I'm not in the mood for this. Gregori is doing me a massive favour by letting me use his base as a temporary facility for the school; I would rather not repay him by leaving the children unattended long enough for Theodore to blow something up. Meanwhile, if we're going to get you-know-what up and running it will be a miracle because Overlord- gah, I'm not talking about that. My point is, I will not waste time at a lunch being needled over my love life by a man who let his wife die, and _you_ who from what I see spend far too much time clowning around trying to be impressive and too little time at home working on building a relationship. And don't tell me that's impossible to do with GLOVE, because Gregori Leonov has been happily married to the same woman since he was eighteen and has three beautiful daughters and two small sons, all of whom adore him and he adores them in turn, and I-" he broke off, turning away.

"You can't spend the rest of your life missing the same woman, Max." Diabolus said quietly. "Why do you think your father's teasing you about finding someone else? Why do you think _I_ do? Youneed to get over it."

" I still miss her. In the night. I wake up and I reach out to her, and I find there's no one next to me. And then I remember why."

"And that is precisely why you need to find a new girlfriend- or at least someone to have sex with- no, thanks, we're all right for the bill, Max for god's sake come and sit back down." The waiter didn't blink an eyelid. Doubtless people storming out of the place was an everyday occurrence in a restaurant designed for the world's most evil to broker deals with one another. Max threw his hands in the air. "One more comment that isn't strictly business related, and I'm leaving." He warned.

"Okay." Diabolus said. "So why don't you actually start talking about the school, which I notice you haven't been for the last 37 minutes 20 seconds?"

37 minutes, 20 seconds. Dear God, was that all it had been?


	3. Chapter 3

Thankfully, Nathaniel didn't pass a comment as Max sat back down and took a long swig from his beer, before setting his now empty plate to one side, clearing the space in front of him, and setting a clunky , rectangular cuboids on the table.

"What in the name of evil is that?" Nathaniel asked.

"It's a black box. Prototype phone and computer combined, Theodore's been working on them."

"Oh." Nathaniel said dismissively . " _Computers._ I don't have any time for- Maximillian, what is _that_ supposed to be?"

A familiar holographic island was being projected by the black _box_ , complete with a lagoon at one end- and what appeared to be a volcano at the other. Diabolus had seen it many times before- in pictures. GLOVE's first and only attempt at manufacturing a volcano as a doomsday weapon had gone spectacularly wrong, in that it had acted exactly like a normal volcano and was incontrollable, right down to wiping the entire construction team out.

"The Island of the Morning Star." Max said nonchalantly.

"Max. Morning Star Island is an active volcano." Nathaniel said slowly. "You cannot possibly be thinking of putting HIVE anywhere near it."

"I'm not."

"Good."

"I'm thinking of putting it in it."

Silence. Diabolus and Nathaniel stared at Max, then at each other- and then Diabolus said: "If half a bottle of that stuff gets you drunk, you have the lowest alcohol tolerance in the history of ever."

"I'm not drunk." Max said. There was a spark of excitement in his tone, a slight smile on his face all of a sudden. "Look, the land is already owned by GLOVE, so that's one of the problems we had the last time out of the way. And if you look..." He pressed a button on the black box and the hologram mountain enlarged itself and opened out as if it had hinges, showing a crater running all the way down to a magma chamber.

"It's a volcano." Nathaniel repeated.

"It's a power source. Theodore's been looking over the notes from the GLOVE workers who constructed it; he thinks he can find a way to harness the volcanoes' core and use it as a power source. That solves another problem- we avoid leaving an energy trace of our location. The mountain is pliable; we can hollow it out and give it catacombs, like this-"

A second image overlaid the first. "Max, those aren't catacombs, those are never ending tunnels of death and despair." Diabolus said, looking at the tunnels. "The students are never going to learn their way around that-"

"Says the man with the base made of fairground rides." Max said snidely. Diabolus had to concede he had a point.

"The catacombs are actually incredibly logical." Max continued. "It's three different sets laid over each other and crossing at certain points, as opposed to one big maze."

"Yes." Nathaniel said. "I can see the value in that. You want me to complete the designs, I assume-"

"No, I've already done that." Max said. "I have the entire thing laid out in detail at the temporary facility. I did send you copies-"

"I haven't received them."

"Your assistant signed for them."

"Rhianne? She came to me with some fool notion of building something in an active-" he broke off. "Max, if you've completed the designs, why did you want to see me?"

"You're the best in the business." Max said calmly. "I need you to double check that the tunnelling, etcetera, will all be structurally sound and unlikely to collapse on top of our heads. I also need your opinion about pricing and budgets; Number One's allowance is large, but if it's not large enough then I can get on with forging a Van-Gogh or Six to pay the extra."

"You want me to tell you if building in an active volcano is structurally sound." Nathaniel repeated. "Max, I never thought I'd say this, but you're an idiot!"

"Excuse me?" Max's eyes narrowed.

"I think what your father means-"

"What I mean, Diabolus, is that this entire thing is utterly implausible! It can't be built!"

"Can't? Theodore already has the schematics, the theory and the designs for the mechanics- _he_ thinks it's plausible-"

"Yes, well, Theodore also thought you had some common sense. It can't be built, Max, I'll have no part in it!"

"Good." Max snapped. "Fine. I wasn't overly thrilled about being told to involve you anyway. Given that if you had managed to hide the last facility a little better, I wouldn't be having to relocate the school anyway-"

"And we're leaving." Diabolus said quickly as Nathaniel stood up, eyes blazing. "Max-"

"With pleasure!" his friend spat, whirling around and striding off towards the exit.

"He's insane!" Nathaniel said to Diabolus. "Utterly lost it. Lovely to see you, Diabolus."

"Yeah, good to see you as well-" Diabolus called over his shoulder as he hurried to catch up with Max. Curse the man and his stupid long legs-"

"Hey!" The waiter manager called as Diabolus raced outside. "Hey- the bill-"

"Yeah, Nathaniel's getting it-"

"No, he's gone."

"Gone, but- oh forget it, here-" throwing a wad of cash at the man as he caught up to Nero.

"That man is the single most infuriating person on the planet!" Nero said angrily. "Can't be built- I'll show him can't be built."

"You did ask his opinion, Max, you can't get angry with him for disagreeing. And you do have to admit that it does sound a little implausible-"

Nero whirled round to face him. "So you're taking his side now are you?"

Oh, for badness sake. "I didn't say that. Look, if you want to build HIVE in the middle of an active volcano, that's what you should do. It's your baby." Max relaxed visibly at that last statement- Diabolus nearly screamed. For badness sake, if the tension was all to do with a fear of letting anyone else anywhere near his precious school, even its design-

 _Fifty-two minuets, twelve seconds._ Diabolus thought. _Fifty two minutes- damn you, Max, eight minutes more..._

Professor Pike had bet him a grand when he'd gone to pick Max up that there was no way he'd be able to get the father and son pair to stay in the room with each other for an hour or more. He had been _so close..._ to have lost...

"Although," he muttered, "At least now I do actually know what happens when an immovable object meets an irresistible force..."


End file.
